If you ever had love keep it cause true love is hard to find I would have; I remember when I was younger I thought I would never find love but it wasn't true I found it but I missed used it now the love of my life is hugging and kissing on another man, but I can't do anything about that cause its all my fault who knows she may even marry this guy. If she do I would be happy for her and I want to wish her all the luck in the world with him. I probably want find love like that any more so therefore I would just enjoy life with my little girl to the woman that I have lost all I want is to let you know I would always LOVE you, I will never STOP, and I ALWAYS will

The Drunk Man Thoughts

The drunk man thoughts...well I have finally came to the cloclusion when a man drinks and becomes drunk he speakes whats truly on his heart. Tells what he truly think and feel. In this case I haven't been drinking but a couple of nights before I have been drinking and start feeling the love I have for that special someone, but in my life time I want never regain because I was young and stupied hey life goes on I must take life one day at a time. Then if only then if the lord bless me with not her, but someone equal value to her. I would love and trust them.

UGLY DUCKLIN.

THE UGLY DUCKLIN IS WHAT I FIND MYSELF TO BE. THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS ALONE. THE ONE WHO WILL NEVER HAVE NO ONE TO SPEND HIS LIFE WITH BUT THATS MY FAULT I SUPPOSE. WHO'S TO SAY IF I HAVE NEVER HAD THE CHANCE AT LOVE, BUT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS I HAD THE CHANCE AT LOVE. I DON'T WANT TO JUMP AHEAD OF MYSELF ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHY I CALL MYSELF THE UGLY DUCKLIN. I'M PUTTING SOME KEY POINTS OF MY LIFE ON HERE AND SOME OF MY GOALS.

1. MY CHILD HOOD


2. DIDN'T FIND MYSELF ATTRACTIVE


3. LOVE


4. MY DREAMS


5. LOVE LOST


6. WHO AM I....

MY CHILD HOOD

MY CHILD HOOD WASN'T A PLEASENT ONE I WAS A HARD HEADED NEVER DONE WHAT WAS TOLD TO DO, AND ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE MY OWN WAY. I GREW UP IN THE WEST PART OF JACKSON MS. MY COMMUNITY WAS SURROUNDED BY JACKSON STATE UNIVERSITY. I LIVED IN 1178 DALTON CR. APT. B A SHOT GUN HOUSE WHICH WAS ONCE YELLOW THEN WAS PAINTED BLUE WHEN I WAS 8. DON'T GET ME WRONG I HAVE A MOTHER THAT WAS STRONG SHE WORKED FOR EVERY THING SHE ACCOMPLISHED, BUT I KNOW IT WAS HARD ON HER TO RAISE A SON WITH OUT THE FATHER BEING IN HIS LIFE AS HE SHOULD.

I SAW FIRST HAND WHAT DOMISTIC VOLANCE IS LIKE AND SAW IT QUIT OFTEN THROUGH MY CHILD HOOD. THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT WAS AT THE AGE OF THREE WHEN MY FATHER ATTEMPETED TO JUMP ON MY MOTHER BUT SHE WASN'T HAVING THAT SHE FAUGHT BACK, AND THEN MY DAD TOLD MY MOM THAT SHE WAS CRAZY, THE QUESTION IS HOW COULD SHE BE CRAZY BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T ALLOW HIM TO BEAT UP ON HER. WELL AFTER HE CALLED HER CRAZY I HAVEN'T SAW MY FATHER FOR 2 YRS I THINK. MY MOTHER RAISED ME ON HER ON FOR 2 YRS AND 50 DOLLARS A MONTH FROM MY DAD INWHICH SHE DIDN'T ALWAYS GET CAUSE IT WOULDN'T NEVER COME THROUGH CHILD SUPPORT.

GROWING UP IN A HOUSE FULL OF WOMAN AND THEN HAD MY GREAT AUNT LIVE NEXT DOOR WITH MY HER SON WAS MY ONLY MALE ROLE MODEL IN THAT I HAD TO LOOK UP TOO. DON'T GET ME WRONG I HAD TWO UNCLE BUT I DIDN'T SEE THEM UNTIL ON THE WEEKEND WHEN I GO OVER TO MY GRAND MOTHER HOUSE. WHEN MY COUSIN GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL HE HAD IN LISTED INTO THE ARMY I WAS ABOUT 6 WHEN HE HAVE DONE SO. AGAIN A YOUNG BOY INSIDE OF A HOUSE FULL OF WOMAN ALONE WITH NO MALE TO LOOK UP TOO.

YOU KNOW HOW THE STORY GOES OF THE UGLY DUCKLIN HE FELT ALONE WITH NO ONE TO PLAY WITH HIM. WELL THAT WAS ME...GETTING BEAT UP ON BY EVERY ONE IN THE HOLD NIGHBER HOOD WITH AN ELDER WOMAN CALLED ME HEY GIRL. THE REASON FOR THAT WAS BECAUSE I USED TO HAVE LONG BRAIDS IN MY HEAD; WHEN SHE CALLED ME HEY GIRL COME HER. I SAID TO HER IM NOT NO GIRL I AM A BOY. BUT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT WHEN SHE GREW UP IT WASN'T COMEN FOR BOYS TO HAVE LONG HAIR. SO THAT UNDERSTANDABLE.

GROWNING UP OVER BY JACKSON STATE UNIVERSITY I GREW UP WITH GUN SHOTS EACH EVERY NIGHT. FIGHTS AND THE ONLY PEACE I HAD WAS WHEN THE SONIC BOOM OF THE SOUTH WAS PRACTICING. THE WAS THE ONLY TIME THE WHOLE COMMUNITY WAS QUIET IT LIKE WE WAS LISTENING TO OUR OWN CONCERT.

IN 1991 THE WAR IN IRAQ HAPPEN MY COUSIN WAS SHIPPED OFF TO WAR IT WAS A DOWN TIME FOR OUR FAMILY CAUSE WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT BUT HE WAS OFF DOING WHAT HE WAS TRAINED TO DO